Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Withered thoughts kept me awake.
Because I was half asleep.
Left in the dark,
On a bright summers day.
Bare thoughts inside me
left meek.

Fighters, for the soul
Said 'Wait for the sunrise'
And all will go away.
Left me alone.
To pray.

What Grace could only dream about
What minds could not percieve
Wrestless wonderings
Cringing spirits

What if
It all turns out
A dream?

Like a lonely summer night,
On a bright, cold, snowy day.
Just because you live in the shadows,
Doesn't mean you can't see the light,
When our fates seem intertwined,
and loneliness is
The only price we pay.

Pondering little paths,
Seems like we're soaring through
the distances.
When Solitude is what we seek.
Every day of our lives.
All, while living in disguise.
True dreams;
Forgotten
Unfulfilled.

Where do we come from?
Such tumultion,
Such demise.
Space is what we desire
In return,
closeness, is achieved
That has it's place so comfortable
in our hearts.

And through all the games our minds play,
we're living,
just a dream.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

I broke.
Because I was broken.
Not by the world,
but by my perception of it.
The World didn't change me,
I changed because of it.
I learned to love,
I loved to breathe.
I loved and loved
till it consumed me.

I never learned to love myself
Because I never stopped to breathe
For myself.
I never wanted to learn
To love any other feeling
Than Love itself.
I guess that's where I lost myself.

What does it mean,
Being able to love so many people,
and still be this self obsessed?
How does it feel,
To be this self obsessed
and not have any confidence?
It definitely doesn't hurt.
And that's what scares me.

I'll always be this way,
Lingering in life's
Thorny bush of Roses
Dreaming when I'm awake,
Living when I'm asleep.
And I'll follow the
Conspiracies that are
twisted into my brain,
driven into it by the heart's desperate forces.
To conquer these bittersweet memories
That I'll thrive on forever.

Where's room for the simple happy ending,
When it doesn't have a labyrinthine story to follow?

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Drink Me to Sleep

Eyes Half Open,
Mind unsought.
Intoxicating,
For able minds, never thought
To do those things
That the emotionally blind
Classified as tactless

The proficient words
Those express wisdom
Emptied,
With the glass
Then discharged
With the freedom
That came with it all.

The soul that could dance
Till the blackened hour came
The fire that could burn
Till the sun took over
The wind that could search
For the damaged little girl
And fly her away from her sorrows
Till the dawn came
Showing systematization
And the wrath of law

Burning desires
Free spirits
Conveying peace
In the wounded souls
Of those left untouched
By monotony

If you listen close,
You can hear the little boy inside him
Crying, ‘save me’.
Yet, unwilling to be saved
By the venom that
Sets him free

Save him if you will
He isn’t doing it out of spite
He’s doing it for the enthralment
Is that so wrong in this life?
Entertain the stable minds
If you will.
They will dance with each dose
For intricate minds,
That’s not enough.

Tell the shadows
Not to die
They’ll listen till
The sun comes out.

Tell the prostitute
To save her life
And you’ll see her dancing in a club
The next night.
Off with her clothes
But still safe inside
With her newfound sense of pride

We were meant to live
Not to conform
One life
One mind
Each twisted in their own way.

Disarray yours
The best
So they remember your name.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Never A Lifeless Slumber

Awaken me from my
desperate slumber.
So dawn shows me
a new light.
For when I sleep
so peacefully,
My subconscious
seems more alive.

A new world,
that brings new hope.
Showing my deepest,
darkest fantasies.
And it's a million times
better than reality.

You see a body sleeping.
I see a body soaring,
higher than she ever can
when she's awake.
I see bliss, because
I still close my eyes
and dream
on a terrible day.

The wind brings with it
a sense of drowsiness,
and darkness alike.
So to get away
from the thoughts,
I sleep...
And grow alive.

But then I am awoken.
Distraught and fearful,
because it's then time to
move on to reality.
Where fate is set,
and all that's left to do
is to keep moving along.
Getting lost in the dynamics
of your own mind.

Awaken me from my
darkest slumber,
So I can feel the life.
Awaken me.
So the strife and sorrow,
leave my world tonight.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

I could read a million sites on 'How to get self confidence', or 'How to get an ego', or 'How to get self esteem', and 'How to stop cutting'. Nothing really speaks out to me more than, apart from actually feeling the confidence, it's more about acting.
So, how good an actor are you?
Every single one of my teachers, be it music, art or academic subjects have all told me at one point, to be more 'confident'. My friends too, have all told me to get some self esteem.

What does being confident even mean? We all have our issues and insecurities whether we show it or not. Maybe people like me don't seem confident because we're vulnerable. Is it just me, or is the idea of 'loving yourself' absurd? I mean, everyone's equal, we all have flaws, scars, and depth, so what's in me that isn't in anyone else? Why should I love myself if I'm not special? What's the point of just me, when there are 6 billion other people in this world?
I'll never know the answer to those.

What I do know is, it's hard to get hurt if you make sure you never ever give a fuck. An ego, is like a barrier to letting external sources affect your emotions. What's more, confidence attracts, anything and everything. So I guess if you're confident and egoistic, you'll be attractive, and fucking invincible.

All it takes is, keeping your back straight and your head up. You're a model no matter what size you are, and the world is your ramp. Put your best face forward. You don't have to look drop-dead gorgeous, you just have to look as good as you can for you. Make an extra effort to correct the external aspects of your appearance that you actually have control of, rather than concentrating on the things you can never change.

You don't have to learn how to love yourself, you just have to love the person you want to be, and act like that person because that person is in there somewhere. You're the one who created him or her.

When your surrounded by intimidating people, and feel like going into your little shell to escape from it, change that thought. Act like you would if no one else was around. Sing and dance like your in a broadway show,Smile at anything not unpleasant, so that you actually end up feeling it inside, and talk to yourself if no one else listens. Sure they'll think you're a freak.
But it shouldn't matter to you, 'cos you'll have an unbreakable ego.

:)

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Bubble Of Solitude

I know who I am,
and I know that I miss you.
But honey, you're a bitch,
and i just can't break through.

The rejection all around,
it's too much for me to face right now.
All I have are your memories,
to keep my fee on the ground.

Can you see these wounds?
See these scars...
Yeah, they're all self inflicted.
But now I love the pain.
I'm addicted.

You see how I walk,
So calm and alone.
I'm far from calm inside,
if you walked by me,
you'd know.

See how I sit,
so silently.
There's a lot to say,
I'm just shy and naive.

See how I stare,
At the cliques and crowds passing by?
No I don't want to be a part of it,
Once I've been on the outside.

And it's all because of you.
You're anger, far from vindicated.
I don't know whether to thank you,
Or whether I'll grow to hate it.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Note from a pessimist

I don't wanna go to Harvard.
Don't care that much about Yale.
I won't get in to Princeton.
I just don't want to fail.

I don't wanna play more music.
Don't want to do art and science.
Math, history and business,
It's all a waste of time.

Sure, I'll write some poems,
More like thoughts thrown out of my head.
I lead a passionless life.
Why live it?
I'll write about it instead.

I know I've got some issues.
But hey, I'm getting help.
For what? I don't know.
Thinking the same things as everyone else?

A pessimists impression,
I'll leave behind a trail.
For rebels now to follow.
Even if they're getting 'A's'

I hate the way the world thinks.
I hate the way it proves;
There's smart and dumb that are 'someones',
fall in between and you lose.

After all my thinking,
I can always conclude.
People are always judging.
And they'll always know I'm a fool.

I want to live like I'm dying.
I want to,
I need to,
I plead.
Dear God,
please let me breathe?

Monday, February 28, 2011

It's a Dark Night

They're all devils,
In disguise.
Their words will haunt me forever,
I'm drowning in their despise for me,
shivering.
I'm surrounded by the treacherous swords
they're waving in front of me
with hate.

They're judging me, god.
I can't stand the pain.

Where am I?

I think I've cried here before.
This hurt feels so farmiliar.
Their words pierce me so hard.
In place of bruises,
I'll always have this scar.
It's deaper than any wound.

Tell me,
Do you feel the pain,
when you cry?
Do you feel the bliss,
when you smile?
Do you feel the burn,
when you're angry?
Can you hear them curse,
when you pass by?

Would you hate the world,
because it hates you?
Would you think it's a disgrace,
when you find someone who wants you?
Would you scream,
if you thought of the end?
Would you laugh,
when saying goodbye to your best friend?

Can you smell the blood that's shed,
when your loved ones are hurt, misread?
Will you sing a mournful piece,
everytime the world brings you down on your knees?

If not,
I guess you'll never see,
what it feels like to be me.

Four Walls

These four walls,
They hold me still
within them,
I'm consumed
With my thoughts,
and my mind
that is ill.
I've lost control
of my free will.

These four walls,
I wonder when
they'll come crumbling down
and set me free.
My brain will cease
and my thoughts
no longer drowned.

These four walls,
They're white.
They're grey.
They're never black,
yet they're filled with dismay.

These four walla,
Cracks inside and out.
The world beyond them, free,
to mould the minds within them,
that are homeward bound.

These four walls,
they bury me
within my thoughts,
so I can see;

These four walls,
they keep me safe.
Away from the pain,
torture, and
heartbreak.